Recap. Monday.

I would consider this moment at 11:50pm on Monday just as good of an opportunity as any to recap.

Ten and a half hours earlier, you grappled with your mother over the telephone and inevitably made her cry. This was the first time in your life that you ever stood up to her and didn't allow her to walk all over you. Don't try and lie to anyone who might be listening or reading, because you cried too. But you asked her every question that you'd been internalizing, as Midwesterners do, over the course of the last three years you've been in College. You asked her if she resented you for never majoring in something where you might make her money. You asked her if she was mad that you moved out of her house when, her other children stayed home, and never thought twice about it. It was at this point which, you put on your copy of Springsteen's "Nebraska" and sang songs about dying and knew that someday you would too. You never liked Springsteen until the day before when you got yourself a record of his that wasn't "Born to Run," but rather, the Springsteen that nobody ever cared for. You moved on, from the questions and comments about your lack of self-esteem or the emptiness of your self-gratification and what's really wrong. You told her you needed to move out of town. That you didn't want to die in the Midwest, but knew you needed to move in with your girlfriend, work for a little while, and inevitably take off to somewhere unfamiliar with her. No one will be surprised, and that's gratification in itself. It's fine to not have a cut-out plan. It's fine to carry a map around with you, even if you fold it the wrong way. As long as the roads and interstates line up. As long as there's a song playing that you don't know every word to, but would like to.

Then, four hours later, you went for a long run. A vicious run. A youthful run. A chase. You showered and shaved your face. You made spaghetti--enough for five people--but just for you. Chased it with two cups of coffee, and then decided that the coffee was goddamned, because it made your legs shake again. Switched to Rolling Rock.